Staples Staples are extremely useful pieces of metal which require a stapler to use. Their most common usage is binding pieces of paper together, as treasury tags will never catch on and metal rusts. They are often used with hammers to prevent cuts. Staples come in a variety of sizes, ranging from small to big. Staplers are also very versatile, and can range from small ones (good for general usage) to extremely long ones whose main purpose is stapling sheets of paper down the middle to make a book. Staples are very commonly confused with Staples, who sold staples but weren't related to staples; they were named after the fact that they were a staple in selling staples and other office ess-staples. In 2011, MetalLicka lead singer James Hetfield proclaimed himself a staple in the song "The View" where he aggressively shouts the lyric "I am the staple!". This resulted in much controversy, as very few people were willing to accept the truth. Months after their invention, staples remain an absolute staple in any household, office or business environment.

staple

Book Usage

As staples' primary usage is books, many techniques have been devised to bind the paper together efficiently, with varying degrees of success. Listed are some different methods of book stapling: (paper is assumed to be folded in half already)

• Sellotape Killer: This is the most common book stapling method, which involves laying all the paper flat, getting a long stapler, and stapling it down the middle with 3 staples; top, middle and bottom. This is a great method, as it's neat, tidy, and looks nice. Note that the front cover has to be facing up, otherwise you'll have bloody fingers.
• The Amateur: Everyone's first stapling method. After folding your paper (cover side up), get your stapler as close to the left edge as possible, making sure there's a small amount of space so there's margin for error. Then simply staple one at the top, middle and the bottom. It's not as pretty, but it does the job just fine.
• All Geared Up: The best, most cost-effective stapling method around. Do the same thing as in The Amateur, but for the first staple, flip the book over so it goes in upside down. This gives the bind extra security, saves costs in mass production, and looks extremely handsome. For that reason, it's very highly regarded among staple enthusiasts.
• Naughty Boy: For your worst enemies. Put 2 staples across each edge of the book, so at the top, then at the bottom, left, and right. They will be crying trying to open the book as the paper will be ripped.
• Plain Old Lazy: If you're feeling woozy and you want staple, put one in at the edge; that's all.